Exit the conversation early. This one might surprise you, but assuming you're having a first conversation with a woman you don't know (whether a stranger or a friend of a friend), cut it short. By doing this, you're ensuring you're not misreading the situation and wasting her time, in the event that she isn't interested, but you're also demonstrating that you respect boundaries and aren't a threat to her. And if she was enjoying the conversation, you'll leave her wanting more.
To get the most out of these nights out be sure to show up early to whatever venue you’re going to. This gives you a chance to get acclimated and comfortable in the environment. While you’re there, warm up your social muscles by chatting with the staff and anyone else who’s around. As the venue fills up look for a “high-traffic” area – someplace people walk past frequently – and post up there with your friends. That way instead of running around looking for girls to talk to, the girls will wind up walking right by you.
"I had two shift partners, one of whom ended up being my future wife. At the time, she had a boyfriend and I had a girlfriend, so while I thought she was cute, there was never any weird flirty tension. We shared one four-hour shift a week for about two years. Without really intending to, we became good friends because of the experiences we shared assisting clients and talking about our lives outside the hotline in between calls. Around the time she left the hotline, we both coincidentally went through breakups. We went from commiserating about our hotline work to commiserating about being single. Then one night she came over, we hooked up, and about a year and a half later we were married. I think what worked about meeting that way was that things developed really organically, because neither of us were there to meet people. We bonded over the work we were doing and the stuff we discovered we had in common over the years."
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"I met my girlfriend Stephanie at a book signing for Karen Russell," he says. "The line was kind of disorderly, so I turned to the person behind me and said, 'I didn't cut you, did I?' and she said, 'No.' That was Stephanie. I said, 'So are you a big Karen Russell fan?' and she said, 'Yes.' I asked who some of her other favorite authors were, and we chatted briefly. She got her book signed, then I got mine signed. Afterward I turned around, and she was standing there waiting for me. It turned out we were both going to Grand Central, so we walked there together. We had very immediate, very obvious chemistry. We got to the corner where we needed to split up, and Stephanie said, 'I want to keep talking to you though.' Her train was leaving shortly before mine, so I went with her to her train, then jumped off just as the doors were closing and hurried to catch my train. I had given her my business card, and she emailed me the next day. We've been together for almost five years."
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It's 2019 – why are you still trying to meet women at loud, crowded and expensive bars? There are so many different things that can go wrong. If it's too packed, you could lose a half-hour just waiting to buy a drink; too empty and it'll feel weird and sad, and you won't be able to meet anyone new. Finding someone you're interested in typically begins with you surveying the scene and looking for people who are both attractive and not visibly taken -- or settling for just one of the two. Regardless, what are the actual chances that you'll hit it off? You have to decide whether to go with a stock pickup line or a custom-crafted joke or just a question and hope you picked the right one to pique her interest. And keep in mind this whole scenario is most likely occurring while you're both yelling in each other's ears over extremely loud music and the sounds of other people having a good time.