"Men are possessed by the myth of the pickup," says David Grazian, Ph.D., an associate professor of sociology at the University of Pennsylvania and the author of On the Make: The Hustle of Urban Nightlife. It's in their heads that these bars and clubs are "teeming with anonymous females who are dying to have sex with any guy who is confident enough to talk to them." The reality is that less than 6 percent of women report having had sex with their partners within 2 days or less of meeting them, and less than 20 percent of adults say they first met their most recent sexual partner in a bar. Perhaps it's the nasty stigma of nightlife: A survey of 1,034 women by StrategyOne, a market research agency, reveals that nearly one in four women would be embarrassed to admit that she met a mate in a bar. (But just incase you do take home the girl of your dreams this weekend, make sure you know how to blow her mind in bed.)
Meeting a potential relationship partner does not have to be confusing or challenging, especially when you have a particular goal in mind. You will often have the best success when you look in the places and ways that will bring you in touch with likeminded people. Specifically, long-term relationships are often found with others who are focused on similar long-term religious, spiritual, or educational activities in their daily lives. In contrast, short-term and sexual relationships can best be found with others who have such immediate excitement and pleasure on their mind—usually in the nightlife of bars, clubs, and restaurants. Finally, finding some specific relationship preference and need can often be accomplished by networking with others who are compatible in those ways—either online or through social groups. In any case, finding others with similar love life preferences and goals will bring you closer to satisfying yours.
OK, hitting on women at the gym can be a major no-no, but it can work out sometimes if you read the signals and make your move in a friendly, non-creepy way. For example, when she’s in the middle of a 30-minute run on the treadmill and sweating profusely, don’t approach her. If she’s got her headphones in, don’t approach her. If she’s deadlifting, obviously, don’t approach her.
For short-term relationships and sex, you may want to look for someone during your night life—particularly at bars, clubs, and restaurants. Individuals at such venues may be more likely to have similar short-term and sexual goals as well. Also, bars and clubs may offer a better chance of getting noticed, flirting, and touching to build sexual attraction. Such meetings may still require self-introduction though. Therefore, you may have to overcome anxiety, learn to break the ice, and ask for what you want to begin an interaction. In this case, however, a bold pick-up attempt and being direct with your interest may help increase your chances of finding a like-minded lover.
Understand that rejection is part of the dating deal. Some women won't be interested because they don't feel the spark or the click. Respect that––it's far better to have honesty up front than to insist on a meeting of minds and bodies that is never going to be nicely compatible but is forced and uncaring. Rather than taking rejection personally, realize that this is an important step in finding the right woman amid a sea of women who aren't your perfect match.
All that being said, if you're a busy guy, you should know that the fastest and simplest way to meet women these days is going online. Regardless of how old you are or what kind of women you're into, online dating sites are typically a surefire, smarter way of approaching women versus randomly saying hello to strangers in public, which is more likely to get you labeled a creep by women who are not looking to be hit on. With that in mind, here are the top online dating sites AskMen recommends:
Not only does volunteering for a charity event, community theater or fundraiser put you in an environment with like-minded people who share your values, but it also affords you time to spend alongside them to get to know them -- which is how Francis, 30 met his wife. "When I lived in Long Island, I started volunteering for a crisis hotline," he says.
The number one reason why approaching a woman may not work is that you don’t have her full attention before speaking to her. By attention I mean you should have her eye contact. This means she won’t be either a. surprised when you speak to her or b. not listening. If she sees you before you begin speaking to her she’ll be more relaxed and you can also checkout her non-verbal signals (is she holding eye contact with you and smiling?) to see if she seems open to talking to you. Sometimes you may need to use a gesture or say ‘hey’ to get her to look up. Then I want you to pause and wait for her to fully realize ‘a man is talking to me’ before you continue speaking with her.
Know when to end the conversation. Going on for too long can make you seem desperate or even scheming. When this woman is someone you'd really like to see again, say something like, "You know, I would love to hear more but I have to get back to work now. Tell me all about it over salsa dancing on Tuesday." Always leave the conversation to be continued. Do not exhaust the conversation as things can turn awkward and she may lose interest.