So why does the alcohol-soaked pick-up scene still exist? Aside from the obvious reasons (tequila, vodka, rum), there's a surprising one as well: inexperience. Men are new to this 21st-century version of the boy-meets-girl game. In 1970, the median age for marriage was 23 for men and 21 for women. Today it's 28 and 26. "It used to be that people felt they'd somehow missed out if they didn't have a spouse by the time they graduated college," says David Popenoe, Ph.D., founder and codirector of the National Marriage Project and a professor emeritus of sociology at Rutgers University. "Today, people feel they need to establish themselves economically first." The postponement of "I do" means most men will be single in their 20s, a trend that populates the bar scene and empties the church aisles.
“It’s so hard being single again, I’ve been in a relationship for the last 4 years and it feels like starting from square one all over again. I’ve slowly gotten over my breakup, I’ve been dressing better, have gotten back into shape, yet at this point, I have no idea what to do or where I should even try meeting women since I hate going to bars & clubs.”
What Real Men Say: "I played on a Zog soccer team for three years," says Andrew, 32. "I left the team as did another player to take a season off (which subsequently left two spots open). Kelly (my current girlfriend) and her roommate had just moved to Hoboken and joined Zog soccer as free agents and got put onto the team in my place. My friends on the team called me one day because they were short a player and asked if I could play that day to fill in. They introduced me Kelly, whom I immediately started crushing on. I told them to let me know if they ever needed a player again -- and then I started going back anytime they needed someone so I could see her. The season ended, so I decided to play the next season with them and developed some chemistry with her. We got together, and the rest is history."
Whether you’re newly single and coming out of a long relationship or you have no experience meeting women and you’re trying to figure how to practice your social skills, expand your network, & meet women, it’s a common dilemma and no matter what situation you’re in, it a challenge nonetheless since you’re starting from square one. Whatever the reason, there’s never a better time than right now to go out and start meeting women. Since the weather is finally warm & if you have the luck of living in a vibrant metropolitan area or maybe even a decent-sized city, the odds are in your favor since you have thousands of opportunities to meet women that you like, that may have chemistry with, & maybe eventually get a new girlfriend if that is your goal. The question now lies in “where do I start, where are the best places to meet women?”
As for what to put in your profile, be sure you describe the exact type of girl you’re looking for (none of this “any girl will do” nonsense). Is this going to filter women out? Yes. But that’s the point. By actively filtering women you show that you’re a high-value guy with standards. This is going to make you more desirable for any woman who reads your profile. It’s also going to prevent you from wasting time with the wrong girls.
When I worked downtown, I made it a habit to eat at all the local hipster places for lunch. Sure, it wasn’t always cheap however, I noticed an upside to it (aside from the often great food). A lot of women were doing the exact same thing as I was. They’d sit down next to me and we’d strike up a conversation. Yes, women eat alone too! Although, these weren’t always just women that worked nearby. The truth is, a fair number were from out of town, and quite lonely while looking for companionship in the city.
For long-term relationships, you may want to look to meet someone during your daily life—particularly through a religious, spiritual, or educational activity. This may help to increase the satisfaction and longevity of the relationship. Presumably, the similarities also help partners to make a deeper connection and share gratefully with each other. Religious and spiritual compatibility may also reduce the likelihood of cheating and infidelity. Such relationships may require self-introductions though. As a result, you may have to overcome anxiety, learn to break the ice, and ask for what you want (even indirectly) to begin an interaction.
Now, while there’s success in numbers, don’t fool yourself. Women notice when a men gets rejected, even if he’s half away across the room. Most guys keep trying over and over, and by the end of the night their heads hung down low and they reek of desperation. Will they see success after the twentieth time? Sure, they might. However, most guys don’t have a large enough emotional bank account to handle that much rejection, especially in one single night.
"Men are possessed by the myth of the pickup," says David Grazian, Ph.D., an associate professor of sociology at the University of Pennsylvania and the author of On the Make: The Hustle of Urban Nightlife. It's in their heads that these bars and clubs are "teeming with anonymous females who are dying to have sex with any guy who is confident enough to talk to them." The reality is that less than 6 percent of women report having had sex with their partners within 2 days or less of meeting them, and less than 20 percent of adults say they first met their most recent sexual partner in a bar. Perhaps it's the nasty stigma of nightlife: A survey of 1,034 women by StrategyOne, a market research agency, reveals that nearly one in four women would be embarrassed to admit that she met a mate in a bar. (But just incase you do take home the girl of your dreams this weekend, make sure you know how to blow her mind in bed.)
To make sure you’re that guy the only intention you want to have when speed dating is to have fun. Don’t worry about getting numbers or impressing anyone. Just see it as an excuse to meet cool people and do something different with your night. Make a point to chat with everyone – both girls and guys – before the event even starts. This way people will see you as the fun, confident guy who got everyone to loosen up and have a good time.
All that being said, if you're a busy guy, you should know that the fastest and simplest way to meet women these days is going online. Regardless of how old you are or what kind of women you're into, online dating sites are typically a surefire, smarter way of approaching women versus randomly saying hello to strangers in public, which is more likely to get you labeled a creep by women who are not looking to be hit on. With that in mind, here are the top online dating sites AskMen recommends:
Truth be told, finding interesting, available single women can be difficult. With well-established friendship circles and demanding work commitments, many singles struggle to meet new people. EliteSingles was founded to help like-minded American singles connect with other people who are serious about the search for love. If you’re wondering how to find a woman online or simply how to meet single women, EliteSingles has the answers.
For those who love exercising, make health a top priority, and are attracted to people who feel the same, intramural sports can kill two birds with one stone. You get to stay active, and you get to meet compatible women. Once someone catches your eye, you could even mention getting food or drinks after a game or two. If you’re nervous about being one on one with her, make it a group thing to remove some of the pressure.
For some strange reason especially when I’m doing my grocery shopping and running errands I’ve always managed to meet the prettiest women at the local Whole Foods. It’s really easy to come off as creepy if you’re trying to chat up the pretty brunette you saw at the frozen food section so the best tip I can offer for you is stay away from using weird innuendos & puns involving melons, bananas, & other foods shaped like sexual organs. The best time to socialize with a girl at the local grocery store is while you’re in the checkout line or you’re waiting in line for a fresh cut of meat or fish. If however there aren’t any women in line & you manage to see a girl that’s really caught your eye, I’d recommend chatting a girl up at the food court section since a lot of Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods, & even Costco have large food courts.
Try to avoid compliments that are overly focused on her looks or very generic. Chat up lines like, ‘did it hurt when you fell from heaven’ deserve to be banned for life. Also avoid clichés like ‘you have beautiful eyes’ as this may well make her think that you’re just another guy hitting on her. If possible compliment her on HOW she’s doing something, ‘I like how focused you are’ ‘I like how you have this big smile, it looks like you’re having a great conversation…’ and if all else fails keep it low key with an implied compliment like, ‘I just had to come and say hi.’ It’s a classic but a good one!
Take for instance my trip to London, I met a woman from my hometown on my first flight out while waiting in the lounge. On the connecting flight I met two British girls who sat across from my aisle; both lived in London near my hotel. On my last flight back home, I met another woman from my hometown who was returning from a vacation in another state.
Be open-minded to all those interested in you. If you put an age-range or any other restrictive ranges into your wishlist, you could miss out on women who might be slightly outside those expectations but are ideal for you. It also sounds really bossy and perfectionist to list restrictive preferences and will scare off many women even if they fall within your restrictions.