Look, man, most guys are doing this dating thing all wrong. Someone once told me, if you wanted to sell a book, the hardest place to sell it is a bookstore. Why? Because you are competing with all the other books. I don’t know if that’s true, but it’s definitely true when it comes to dating. If you go to bars, clubs or searching online then you are competing with every other guy there.
In many ways, meeting someone through an online dating site or app is similar to meeting someone through a friend—thanks to detailed online dating profiles, you have a chance to get to know people before you actually meet them. And swiping left in your underwear is much more convenient than getting dressed up and going out to a bar, so it’s no surprise that nearly one-third of marriages today start online, according to a study commissioned by eHarmony.com.
Hollywood would have us believe that there’s a certain type of man that single women are looking for; tall, dark, handsome, and preferably, rich. Thankfully, though, it’s simply not true. In a cross-national survey examining the biological and cultural influences of attraction, it was found that women most favored the following top five features in a man; humor, intelligence, honesty, kindness and strong values.
This is an excellent way to contribute to the society, as well as showing your caring side to potential partners. There are very few attributes which can make a man as sexy as his kindness. Also, if surveys are to be believed, the volunteer network has way too many women and far too few men. Places like animal shelters are always your best bet, because apart from being in dire need of volunteers, you get to meet women who share the same passion as you do – animals. Other options include movie or music festivals, local theatre groups, homeless shelters, community drives, raising money for charity, running marathons and what not.
You are on the hunt and don't let anything get in the way! If you are still struggling with approaching women in public (and you are definitely not alone) there are a few books that made a huge difference in our success with older women. You could take a blanket along and lounge around while Fido does his thing, or you can actively seek the attention of an older woman by asking her a question or two about her own pet.
What Real Men Say: "Salsa dancing is part of my culture," says Javier, 26. "So when my sister's friend opened a dance studio in our neighborhood I came for the grand opening and complimentary salsa class -- and had so much fun that I ended up buying a class package. As one of the only men in the class, I had my pick of partners which was nice, and made a lot of friends during my time there. Around my fifth or sixth class we all planned on meeting up at a salsa club after class to try out what we had learned, and I saw my current girlfriend Ramona there with her group of friends -- one of which knew one of the class members I was out with. She introduced us, and we danced together until 2 a.m. when the club closed down. We've been together ever since."
For more specific preferences and needs, you may want to look for someone online, or through friends. Online dating can be particularly effective when you are geographically or socially isolated—or when partners who fit your preference are in short supply. Furthermore, friends who already have similar preferences or needs, particularly those within a specific community or group, may also be a good source of introduction to new partners. Also, if you are socially shy, it may be more comfortable to look for dates online or get introduced through friends. Thus, networking with likeminded people, both online and in real life, may be the key to you finding the specific love you're after.
What Real Men Say: "I played on a Zog soccer team for three years," says Andrew, 32. "I left the team as did another player to take a season off (which subsequently left two spots open). Kelly (my current girlfriend) and her roommate had just moved to Hoboken and joined Zog soccer as free agents and got put onto the team in my place. My friends on the team called me one day because they were short a player and asked if I could play that day to fill in. They introduced me Kelly, whom I immediately started crushing on. I told them to let me know if they ever needed a player again -- and then I started going back anytime they needed someone so I could see her. The season ended, so I decided to play the next season with them and developed some chemistry with her. We got together, and the rest is history."
Listen to your gut instinct. A single rejection doesn't mean there is something wrong with you as a person (she may like you but not know how to express it!). However, if you experience repeated rejections, you may want to address your grooming, your mannerisms with women, or even your whole approach. It could be that you're doing something wrong and that's always easy to fix.