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If you spot a girl you’re interested in & it’s peak hours at the coffee shop, just ask her if you can sit by her table since it’s packed or just sit down at the table next to her if there is an open spot & after getting settled in just ask her if she knows what the Wi-Fi password is, if she’s got an iPhone charger, or ask her what she recommends if it’s not a Starbucks or a chain. Just be mindful, if she doesn’t look stressed, completely consumed with whatever she’s doing, or is on the phone get creative & immediately segue & ask her what she’s doing (blogging, reading, studying, thinking, etc.)
Understand that rejection is part of the dating deal. Some women won't be interested because they don't feel the spark or the click. Respect that––it's far better to have honesty up front than to insist on a meeting of minds and bodies that is never going to be nicely compatible but is forced and uncaring. Rather than taking rejection personally, realize that this is an important step in finding the right woman amid a sea of women who aren't your perfect match.
"I work at a design firm on a small team of four," he says. "So when one of my coworkers bought a condo we were all invited over to celebrate. I was the only one on the team without a solid excuse for not showing up and plus, my coworker lives in the same neighborhood as I do so I figured I'd swing by. I ended up having a great time chatting with my coworker's sister and her husband -- to the point that her sister insisted that she let me set her up with her college friend who was moving here and didn't know anyone. I'm usually skeptical about people setting me up -- but she showed me a picture of her and I thought she was super pretty, so I agreed. I got her phone number then took her out a week or two after she moved to New York and we hit it off. She and I both always say how lucky we are that I went to that party."
Now you might be afraid that she’ll ask you why you are there. First of all, they almost never ask. If she does, just tell her you are taking a walk, or you like the coffee shop or that you have a friend that goes there, if it’s true. Or be honest and say that you don’t like meeting women at bars and clubs because they are too drunk and sloppy. You’d be surprised at how many women love that answer.

As a general rule, women are more approachable and less suspicious when they meet guys through the course of a regular day and in an atmosphere when they feel at ease, as opposed to when a guy introduces himself in a more typical setting (bars or clubs, for example). For a lot of women, anything with a meat-market vibe is not ideal for meetin men, and if you go through this list motivated only by a slavering desire for sex, women will detect that insincerity, and you'll fool exactly nobody. Don't look at these as pickup strategies; just think of them as generally positive habits that happen to have an added benefit.


If you’re a physically active person or you’re trying to get back into shape what better way than to kill two birds with one stone than join a workout group, a co-ed sports league, or maybe even a running club if you’re into running. The beauty about joining these clubs besides finding like minded people (if you’re a workout warrior or love being physically active), having accountability, & a fun way to get into shape is that it helps you expand your social circle & these classes are usually heavily populated with fit & attractive women looking to break a sweat & socialize. I’d also like to add from my own personal experience is that because of the accountability & support system you’re more likely to stay with your fitness goals since you’re doing it with other people who are going through the same thing as you & you’re never bored.

As for what to put in your profile, be sure you describe the exact type of girl you’re looking for (none of this “any girl will do” nonsense).  Is this going to filter women out?  Yes.  But that’s the point.  By actively filtering women you show that you’re a high-value guy with standards.  This is going to make you more desirable for any woman who reads your profile.  It’s also going to prevent you from wasting time with the wrong girls.
Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use. View all posts by Brian M →
Not exactly the best setting for getting to know someone, let alone landing yourself a serious, long-term relationship. Aren't there better places to meet a woman nowadays? Where else can you hope to meet your next potential partner? Are there better ways to meet girls? We asked a few real men who bypassed the bar scene to tell us how they met their current girlfriends -- and they had a few creative suggestions to share.

Some ways of meeting may be better for long-term relationships than others. Particularly, couples who meet in their daily lives, especially through church and school, are more satisfied with their relationships and less likely to break up than couples meeting other ways. This was supported by earlier surveys, which also found short-term and sexual relationships more likely to be started under the opposite meeting conditions—usually bars and restaurants (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, & Michaels, 1994).
If you’re not confident in your looks, you may be tempted to hide behind a low-quality or strategically cropped profile picture—don’t. “Make sure your profile picture is clear and shows both your face and body,” Van Kirk says. “This is not just about showing how attractive you are—women feel safer about online dating if they feel like they know who they’re talking to.” That said, studies have shown that guys get the best responses when their profile pics show them looking away from the camera and not smiling.

After you’ve paid a compliment, lots of the time she may not expect or know how to continue the conversation. A simple way to signal to her that you want the conversation to keep going is to offer your name. This also builds some trust as she gets to know you on a more personal basis. Say, ‘my name’s John by the way…’ before you expect her to share her name with you. If she doesn’t want to share her name this is a good cue that she’s not open to talking to you and you can simply wish her a good day and leave the conversation.


Parks, a University of Washington communication researcher and author of Personal Relationships & Personal Networks, has determined that 75 percent of the people who dated extensively the year before said they had help from a friend. In their corner is what Parks calls "the social proximity effect," which holds that the probability of two people meeting is directly proportional to the number of contacts they share. In other words, more friends means more female referrals. "Our research has shown that two-thirds of people who initiate a romantic relationship had met at least one of the dozen or so members of their partner's closest social network prior to meeting their part ner for the first time," says Parks, "and nearly half had met two or three." If you know Tom, and Tom knows Betty, then there's a greater chance you'll meet Betty. And if Tom also knows Susan, Heather, and Kimberly . . . well, then you owe Tom a fruit basket.
Right in front of you. Put down your damn phone! While you’re texting your friend about how hard it is to find a woman, the girl of your dreams is literally right in front of you. Only you’re too busy to notice her, because your eyes are glued to the screen. In reality, this scenario probably plays out hundreds of times per day amongst both men and women.
It's 2019 – why are you still trying to meet women at loud, crowded and expensive bars? There are so many different things that can go wrong. If it's too packed, you could lose a half-hour just waiting to buy a drink; too empty and it'll feel weird and sad, and you won't be able to meet anyone new. Finding someone you're interested in typically begins with you surveying the scene and looking for people who are both attractive and not visibly taken -- or settling for just one of the two. Regardless, what are the actual chances that you'll hit it off? You have to decide whether to go with a stock pickup line or a custom-crafted joke or just a question and hope you picked the right one to pique her interest. And keep in mind this whole scenario is most likely occurring while you're both yelling in each other's ears over extremely loud music and the sounds of other people having a good time.
Your time to do that is shrinking, according to a 2008 Harris Interactive poll. Americans have just 16 hours a week—down 20 percent from 2007—that are all theirs. With leisure time scarce, many men make the mistake of blocking off a weekend night for dating, says Paul Dobransky, M.D., a Chicago psychiatrist who teaches men how to land any woman they want (check out a day in his life by clicking here). "Their lack of success is due to their hyperfocused approach," says Dr. Dobransky. "They see meeting women as something that is done rather than something that naturally happens, which is the way women view it."

Look, man, most guys are doing this dating thing all wrong. Someone once told me, if you wanted to sell a book, the hardest place to sell it is a bookstore. Why? Because you are competing with all the other books. I don’t know if that’s true, but it’s definitely true when it comes to dating. If you go to bars, clubs or searching online then you are competing with every other guy there.
Don't come on too strong. Have a keen sense of whether or not she's interested. Look for signs. If she ever touches your arm, holds your hand, flits her eyes, or laughs at your jokes, you are in. Do not try too hard (like making an hour's long list of topics to say); just give the basics she wants to know: your age, what you are doing for a living or education, where you are from, your personal motives with her, and if you have children. A new person in her life can be a daunting challenge; give her time to get used to you. Show that you can organize your thoughts for a conversation and are able to make your own proper sentences.
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