Parks, a University of Washington communication researcher and author of Personal Relationships & Personal Networks, has determined that 75 percent of the people who dated extensively the year before said they had help from a friend. In their corner is what Parks calls "the social proximity effect," which holds that the probability of two people meeting is directly proportional to the number of contacts they share. In other words, more friends means more female referrals. "Our research has shown that two-thirds of people who initiate a romantic relationship had met at least one of the dozen or so members of their partner's closest social network prior to meeting their part ner for the first time," says Parks, "and nearly half had met two or three." If you know Tom, and Tom knows Betty, then there's a greater chance you'll meet Betty. And if Tom also knows Susan, Heather, and Kimberly . . . well, then you owe Tom a fruit basket.
No, she's not waiting for you at mile marker 19. The real appeal here is the free training program held several days a week. Studies show that when we anticipate future experiences with someone, we focus on that person's positive qualities to better ensure that those upcoming experiences will be pleasant ones. Go to marathonguide.com for a list of races near you. No training program? Join a local running club.
Listen to your gut instinct. A single rejection doesn't mean there is something wrong with you as a person (she may like you but not know how to express it!). However, if you experience repeated rejections, you may want to address your grooming, your mannerisms with women, or even your whole approach. It could be that you're doing something wrong and that's always easy to fix.
For short-term relationships and sex, you may want to look for someone during your night life—particularly at bars, clubs, and restaurants. Individuals at such venues may be more likely to have similar short-term and sexual goals as well. Also, bars and clubs may offer a better chance of getting noticed, flirting, and touching to build sexual attraction. Such meetings may still require self-introduction though. Therefore, you may have to overcome anxiety, learn to break the ice, and ask for what you want to begin an interaction. In this case, however, a bold pick-up attempt and being direct with your interest may help increase your chances of finding a like-minded lover.
Not only does volunteering for a charity event, community theater or fundraiser put you in an environment with like-minded people who share your values, but it also affords you time to spend alongside them to get to know them -- which is how Francis, 30 met his wife. "When I lived in Long Island, I started volunteering for a crisis hotline," he says.
When you approach in a confident, easy-going way, most women drop their guard and open up to the conversation. However, if you approach in a nervous or appear intimidated by the women, they will automatically close off to you and the conversation. Why? Women are attracted to the strength in men and turned off by the weakness. This is why confidence is the #1 thing you need to have before you begin trying to meet new women.
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