It can be difficult to meet new people in a city, more specifically, it can be tough to meet women in a city. It seems that everyone’s post-college go-to spot to mingle with the opposite sex is a bar, nightclub, discotheque, whatever you want to call it. Basically, somewhere that supplies large amounts of alcohol, dim lights, and loud music (which are all factors to help you get laid). But how do you meet women that you may want to ask out (gasp!) on an actual date. There have to be other options between being that creepy guy at a bar that tries to get in bachelorette party dance circle and creating an online dating profile.
"The rhythmic pulse of music lets listeners synchronize with one another, which can increase group cohesion," says Michael Cunningham, Ph. D., a psychologist and professor of communication at the University of Louisville. Concerts are good, but music festivals attract a more diverse crowd because of the different acts, and transcend the behavioral norms of everyday life. Visit festivalfinder.com for events near you.
We've all had this one happen to us in some capacity – whether it's a coworker's housewarming party or your neighbor down the hall insisting you swing by for a get together they're having, going to a party where you only know the host can feel pretty awkward. But even if you do go and don't meet any single women that night, you can make new friends and connections. There's always a chance you may meet someone there who can set you up with your future girlfriend or long-term relationship – as was the case for Alex, 29.
You need to be careful here because there can be many instances where it’s rude to approach a woman in such a public space. Many frequent coffee shops to get work done, so if she’s feverishly typing away on her laptop, you should definitely let her do her thing. But if you lock eyes with a female patron and get the sense that she’s into you, say something. Coffee shops are often frequented by intelligent and bookish individuals, so if that’s your type, order yourself a cappuccino and casually survey the atmosphere. It’s like Tinder, but in real life - what a concept! Since many who frequent coffee shops tend to be regulars, a slow game is an option. After enough time has passed, you can make a comment along the lines of “fancy seeing you here,” and - boom! Ice broken.
You need to be careful here because there can be many instances where it’s rude to approach a woman in such a public space. Many frequent coffee shops to get work done, so if she’s feverishly typing away on her laptop, you should definitely let her do her thing. But if you lock eyes with a female patron and get the sense that she’s into you, say something. Coffee shops are often frequented by intelligent and bookish individuals, so if that’s your type, order yourself a cappuccino and casually survey the atmosphere. It’s like Tinder, but in real life - what a concept! Since many who frequent coffee shops tend to be regulars, a slow game is an option. After enough time has passed, you can make a comment along the lines of “fancy seeing you here,” and - boom! Ice broken.
Some ways of meeting may be better for long-term relationships than others. Particularly, couples who meet in their daily lives, especially through church and school, are more satisfied with their relationships and less likely to break up than couples meeting other ways. This was supported by earlier surveys, which also found short-term and sexual relationships more likely to be started under the opposite meeting conditions—usually bars and restaurants (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, & Michaels, 1994).
It can be difficult to meet new people in a city, more specifically, it can be tough to meet women in a city. It seems that everyone’s post-college go-to spot to mingle with the opposite sex is a bar, nightclub, discotheque, whatever you want to call it. Basically, somewhere that supplies large amounts of alcohol, dim lights, and loud music (which are all factors to help you get laid). But how do you meet women that you may want to ask out (gasp!) on an actual date. There have to be other options between being that creepy guy at a bar that tries to get in bachelorette party dance circle and creating an online dating profile.
"I had two shift partners, one of whom ended up being my future wife. At the time, she had a boyfriend and I had a girlfriend, so while I thought she was cute, there was never any weird flirty tension. We shared one four-hour shift a week for about two years. Without really intending to, we became good friends because of the experiences we shared assisting clients and talking about our lives outside the hotline in between calls. Around the time she left the hotline, we both coincidentally went through breakups. We went from commiserating about our hotline work to commiserating about being single. Then one night she came over, we hooked up, and about a year and a half later we were married. I think what worked about meeting that way was that things developed really organically, because neither of us were there to meet people. We bonded over the work we were doing and the stuff we discovered we had in common over the years."
Don't come on too strong. Have a keen sense of whether or not she's interested. Look for signs. If she ever touches your arm, holds your hand, flits her eyes, or laughs at your jokes, you are in. Do not try too hard (like making an hour's long list of topics to say); just give the basics she wants to know: your age, what you are doing for a living or education, where you are from, your personal motives with her, and if you have children. A new person in her life can be a daunting challenge; give her time to get used to you. Show that you can organize your thoughts for a conversation and are able to make your own proper sentences.
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