“It’s so hard being single again, I’ve been in a relationship for the last 4 years and it feels like starting from square one all over again. I’ve slowly gotten over my breakup, I’ve been dressing better, have gotten back into shape, yet at this point, I have no idea what to do or where I should even try meeting women since I hate going to bars & clubs.”
So why does the alcohol-soaked pick-up scene still exist? Aside from the obvious reasons (tequila, vodka, rum), there's a surprising one as well: inexperience. Men are new to this 21st-century version of the boy-meets-girl game. In 1970, the median age for marriage was 23 for men and 21 for women. Today it's 28 and 26. "It used to be that people felt they'd somehow missed out if they didn't have a spouse by the time they graduated college," says David Popenoe, Ph.D., founder and codirector of the National Marriage Project and a professor emeritus of sociology at Rutgers University. "Today, people feel they need to establish themselves economically first." The postponement of "I do" means most men will be single in their 20s, a trend that populates the bar scene and empties the church aisles.
Now, while there’s success in numbers, don’t fool yourself. Women notice when a men gets rejected, even if he’s half away across the room. Most guys keep trying over and over, and by the end of the night their heads hung down low and they reek of desperation. Will they see success after the twentieth time? Sure, they might. However, most guys don’t have a large enough emotional bank account to handle that much rejection, especially in one single night.
"I met my girlfriend Stephanie at a book signing for Karen Russell," he says. "The line was kind of disorderly, so I turned to the person behind me and said, 'I didn't cut you, did I?' and she said, 'No.' That was Stephanie. I said, 'So are you a big Karen Russell fan?' and she said, 'Yes.' I asked who some of her other favorite authors were, and we chatted briefly. She got her book signed, then I got mine signed. Afterward I turned around, and she was standing there waiting for me. It turned out we were both going to Grand Central, so we walked there together. We had very immediate, very obvious chemistry. We got to the corner where we needed to split up, and Stephanie said, 'I want to keep talking to you though.' Her train was leaving shortly before mine, so I went with her to her train, then jumped off just as the doors were closing and hurried to catch my train. I had given her my business card, and she emailed me the next day. We've been together for almost five years."
The best way to meet a girl is through activities, doing what you are interested in, and through mutual friends. Putting yourself in a situation where you are doing activities with groups allows you to establish common ground with women and get to know them over a period of time, rather than trying to best them with your one-liners. Tips on how to meet women: try to get out as much as possible, stay active and get your single friends together for group activities. Vote on this list of ideas for how to meet a girlfriend and add any places that have worked for you.
See spot run - toward the woman of your dreams. Meeting a potential mate at a dog park is promising for a few reasons. First, you’re both dog owners, so there’s a mutual interest right off the bat. Second, you’ve got an obvious icebreaker: your pup! Whether you choose to start the conversation by complimenting her dog or “accidentally” tossing a tennis ball nearby and offering a charming apology, the conversation will seem a lot more natural than if you were to offer a Googled pickup line in a bar. If things go well, you can then take things to a nearby coffee shop and continue getting to know each other. Just don’t forget to grab some water and keep your pooch hydrated!
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If you have a dog, if you’re a dog lover, or you want to get some fresh air with your best friend, the dog park is one of the best places to meet women. Not only are dogs man’s best friend, I’d argue they’re also man’s best wingman. It’s really easy to get social and meet women. Play with her dog, chat her up and maybe you might even end up setting a playdate to let your dogs play while you hang out with her.
In her ‘safe’ space: Barre class. A nail salon. Any place that’s traditionally filled with women might seem like the perfect place to, well, meet women. But women aren’t stupid, and they can see exactly what you’re trying to do, says psychologist and relationship expert Tracy Thomas, Ph.D. “If you go to an all-female yoga class with the intention of meeting women, you’ll come off as creepy and exploitative,” Thomas says. “If you’re just there for the yoga, that’s different.”
Daily places where conversations might be possible with women include the laundromat, waiting at a bus stop, shopping (including saying hi to the shop assistant you fancy so much), working out at the gym, walking your dog, clearing up your front yard as she passes by, the library, the video store (you already know her taste in movies), large outdoor events and pursuing recreational/sporting activities.