In the United States, there's an average of only seven single women between the ages of 20 and 44 per square mile. Now consider your "spots," the places you usually go despite the presence of equivalent alternatives: your Starbucks, your bank branch, your dry cleaner, your gym, your grocery store. These are embedded destinations in other people's travel itineraries, too, meaning they're also their "spots." If everyone repeats their routines, as the Northeastern University research suggests, the rate at which you encounter new women plummets.
So why does the alcohol-soaked pick-up scene still exist? Aside from the obvious reasons (tequila, vodka, rum), there's a surprising one as well: inexperience. Men are new to this 21st-century version of the boy-meets-girl game. In 1970, the median age for marriage was 23 for men and 21 for women. Today it's 28 and 26. "It used to be that people felt they'd somehow missed out if they didn't have a spouse by the time they graduated college," says David Popenoe, Ph.D., founder and codirector of the National Marriage Project and a professor emeritus of sociology at Rutgers University. "Today, people feel they need to establish themselves economically first." The postponement of "I do" means most men will be single in their 20s, a trend that populates the bar scene and empties the church aisles.
Team play encourages what sociologists call "situational generalization"—in other words, positive circumstances help people click. "When people are working toward a shared outcome, they're more likely to grow closer together," says Parks. Recreational outfits make it easy to form new connections because individuals can sign up and be assigned to a team without needing to know anyone.
It’s a fact that women are more interested in bettering their health than men. You’ll find them at meetings in your community learning about what to do about specific conditions like how to eliminate joint aches and pains, allergies, heart disease, diabetes, and even how to detox They may not be going for themselves, but to find out health info for a family member.
"I met my girlfriend Stephanie at a book signing for Karen Russell," he says. "The line was kind of disorderly, so I turned to the person behind me and said, 'I didn't cut you, did I?' and she said, 'No.' That was Stephanie. I said, 'So are you a big Karen Russell fan?' and she said, 'Yes.' I asked who some of her other favorite authors were, and we chatted briefly. She got her book signed, then I got mine signed. Afterward I turned around, and she was standing there waiting for me. It turned out we were both going to Grand Central, so we walked there together. We had very immediate, very obvious chemistry. We got to the corner where we needed to split up, and Stephanie said, 'I want to keep talking to you though.' Her train was leaving shortly before mine, so I went with her to her train, then jumped off just as the doors were closing and hurried to catch my train. I had given her my business card, and she emailed me the next day. We've been together for almost five years."
Listen to your gut instinct. A single rejection doesn't mean there is something wrong with you as a person (she may like you but not know how to express it!). However, if you experience repeated rejections, you may want to address your grooming, your mannerisms with women, or even your whole approach. It could be that you're doing something wrong and that's always easy to fix.
Meeting someone through a friend just makes sense, especially if you’re looking for something beyond a one-night stand, says sex therapist and relationship expert Kat Van Kirk, author of The Married Sex Solution. “A friend-of-a-friend will have more in common with you than someone off the street,” Van Kirk explains. “Occasionally, crazy chemistry happens between two people who have nothing in common…but usually not. You probably want to look for someone similar to yourself.” Van Kirk also points out that women—understandably—tend to be more safety-conscious when it comes to dating, and having a mutual friend who can vouch for you will go a long way.
The number one reason why approaching a woman may not work is that you don’t have her full attention before speaking to her. By attention I mean you should have her eye contact. This means she won’t be either a. surprised when you speak to her or b. not listening. If she sees you before you begin speaking to her she’ll be more relaxed and you can also checkout her non-verbal signals (is she holding eye contact with you and smiling?) to see if she seems open to talking to you. Sometimes you may need to use a gesture or say ‘hey’ to get her to look up. Then I want you to pause and wait for her to fully realize ‘a man is talking to me’ before you continue speaking with her.
Today is your lucky day, to help you figure out where you want to begin your search, I’ve put together a comprehensive list of the 20 best places to meet women other than a bar and club to expand your social network, build new friendships, and most of all meet women. If the bars and clubs isn’t your scene, not to worry. There are plenty of places on this list where you can rebuild your social and dating life. A lot of men make the mistake of going straight into the nightlife whether they’re coming off a long relationship or have no dating experience. It’s understandable since it’s a distraction and a quick fix to cope with the difficult emotions of a breakup and most conventional dating advice usually give men & women strategies & tactics on how to communicate & seduce each other in a nightlife setting such as a bar or a club.
Nobody will vouch for you more than a friend. And if that friend happens to be female, her word will carry more value. Why? Because women trust other women more than a man whose mission is likely transparent. Apart from meeting online, research has shown meeting through friends is the most popular method of connecting with a potential partner. Being “set up” should occur in naturally social environments, like a barbecue or dinner party. Or perhaps you settle on a double date, where you can sit back and play coy while your friend sings your praises. In these instances the matchmaker will probably facilitate conversation throughout, expressing mutual interests and similar sentiments to assist you two in hitting it off. Remember: she’s your biggest cheerleader!
Take for instance my trip to London, I met a woman from my hometown on my first flight out while waiting in the lounge. On the connecting flight I met two British girls who sat across from my aisle; both lived in London near my hotel. On my last flight back home, I met another woman from my hometown who was returning from a vacation in another state.
We've all had this one happen to us in some capacity – whether it's a coworker's housewarming party or your neighbor down the hall insisting you swing by for a get together they're having, going to a party where you only know the host can feel pretty awkward. But even if you do go and don't meet any single women that night, you can make new friends and connections. There's always a chance you may meet someone there who can set you up with your future girlfriend or long-term relationship – as was the case for Alex, 29.
See spot run - toward the woman of your dreams. Meeting a potential mate at a dog park is promising for a few reasons. First, you’re both dog owners, so there’s a mutual interest right off the bat. Second, you’ve got an obvious icebreaker: your pup! Whether you choose to start the conversation by complimenting her dog or “accidentally” tossing a tennis ball nearby and offering a charming apology, the conversation will seem a lot more natural than if you were to offer a Googled pickup line in a bar. If things go well, you can then take things to a nearby coffee shop and continue getting to know each other. Just don’t forget to grab some water and keep your pooch hydrated!
Right in front of you. Put down your damn phone! While you’re texting your friend about how hard it is to find a woman, the girl of your dreams is literally right in front of you. Only you’re too busy to notice her, because your eyes are glued to the screen. In reality, this scenario probably plays out hundreds of times per day amongst both men and women.
Just because you might not be in school anymore, that doesn’t mean you can’t take classes. We’re never too old to stop learning, and we’re never too old to stop meeting new people. Search online for some adult classes in your city and see what piques your interest. It could be painting (pictured below), cooking (pictured above), photography, guitar, and pretty much anything else you can think of. Most of these classes are probably pretty cheap, too, because they’re put on by colleges or local organizations. Plus, Groupon always has deals going on.
But it's not just the friend famine that's starving our sex lives. Socially inbred crews are detrimental, too. "In a tightly knit group, you know the same people," says Parks. "Your friends can't introduce you to women you don't already know." That's why access to a new resource, whether it's an unadvertised job opening, a lead on a house listing, or an introduction to a woman you might click with, is more likely to come through casual friends than close ones. It's what social-network theorists call "the strength of weak ties," and the greater the number of unique casual connections you have, the better positioned you are to benefit. These types of people are essentially network bridges, says Parks. They connect you to women you might not otherwise have met through your close friends. The secret isn't blind dates and setups; it's party invites and casual introductions.
If you check out this site you’ll likely find events (happy hours, game nights, etc.) just for singles in your age range. But if nothing like that is going on, don’t worry. There are plenty of activity groups (hiking, going to sporting events, book clubs…) that will prove great places to meet single women. What makes these activity groups are so fantastic is they give you a chance to meet girls who have similar interests as you.
You need to be careful here because there can be many instances where it’s rude to approach a woman in such a public space. Many frequent coffee shops to get work done, so if she’s feverishly typing away on her laptop, you should definitely let her do her thing. But if you lock eyes with a female patron and get the sense that she’s into you, say something. Coffee shops are often frequented by intelligent and bookish individuals, so if that’s your type, order yourself a cappuccino and casually survey the atmosphere. It’s like Tinder, but in real life - what a concept! Since many who frequent coffee shops tend to be regulars, a slow game is an option. After enough time has passed, you can make a comment along the lines of “fancy seeing you here,” and - boom! Ice broken.
Sometimes you'll be rejected because it's not the right time in her life to be committing to a relationship. Perhaps she's going through a messy divorce, perhaps a big career move is on her radar or perhaps she just needs time to heal after a bad relationship. If she is really worth it, give her wide berth while remaining friendly and just be patient. Otherwise, wish her the best of luck and keep looking.