“It’s so hard being single again, I’ve been in a relationship for the last 4 years and it feels like starting from square one all over again. I’ve slowly gotten over my breakup, I’ve been dressing better, have gotten back into shape, yet at this point, I have no idea what to do or where I should even try meeting women since I hate going to bars & clubs.”
What Real Men Say: "Salsa dancing is part of my culture," says Javier, 26. "So when my sister's friend opened a dance studio in our neighborhood I came for the grand opening and complimentary salsa class -- and had so much fun that I ended up buying a class package. As one of the only men in the class, I had my pick of partners which was nice, and made a lot of friends during my time there. Around my fifth or sixth class we all planned on meeting up at a salsa club after class to try out what we had learned, and I saw my current girlfriend Ramona there with her group of friends -- one of which knew one of the class members I was out with. She introduced us, and we danced together until 2 a.m. when the club closed down. We've been together ever since."
Not exactly the best setting for getting to know someone, let alone landing yourself a serious, long-term relationship. Aren't there better places to meet a woman nowadays? Where else can you hope to meet your next potential partner? Are there better ways to meet girls? We asked a few real men who bypassed the bar scene to tell us how they met their current girlfriends -- and they had a few creative suggestions to share.
It’s no different than going to an industry convention. People go there to network. Sure, they learn a few new tricks and things but at the heart of it all is building up business connections. Even in the automotive industry, which generally lacks a female presence, I still know a guy who met his wife at one. When these events are hosted in Vegas, for instance, it’s a great way to mix business and pleasure without shooting yourself in the foot.
Granted, this one's going to take you out of your comfort zone, but how else do you expect to meet new people? At least at a dance class, as matchmaker Susan Trombetti points out, the odds would be in your favor. "Yoga, dance class, or a spinning class is a great place to meet women if you can get into it," she says. "I know lots of men who try this with much success. You will definitely be in the minority." Even if you don't meet a girl, you'll be improving your personality, which is a big help for single men everywhere when it comes to attracting beautiful women. And even if you don't happen to meet your special someone at dance class itself, acquiring the skill will be guaranteed to help you in the future..
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If you’re the type of person that likes to do good for the community and you genuinely love helping people, one of the best places to meet women is volunteering. Also, along with having the added benefit of being in an environment with other like-minded people who want to serve the community what better way to communicate to a girl what kind of person you are then volunteering your time for a cause you genuinely care about & finding ways to help people in need. In the case you don’t know what causes you care about or what to do, I’d recommend making a list of things you deeply care about or if you still have no idea you can take a look at this list:
Researchers note that shopping trips are fueled by social motives, including the desire for new communal experiences. Big-box stores are socially fertile: More than 10 million people pass through Ikea every week, and U.S. consumers spend an average of 2 to 3 hours each visit. And at Ikea, traffic moves one way, creating a natural movement and pacing that makes it easy to stroll and engage. Think about store or mall flow the next time you're shopping, and patronize spots, like the Apple store, that make kibitzing part of the experience. If you're the active type, L.L. Bean or REI might be a better bet.
If you want to talk to a woman but she’s in the middle of hanging out with a girlfriend/reading a book/working on her laptop, instead of not saying hello at all I want you to let her know that you realize she’s busy. It’s better to show her that you’re considerate of what else is going on for her rather than waiting for a perfect moment (that never comes) to say hi to her. You don’t need to be overly apologetic you can simply say, ‘Hey (pause) I know you’re in the middle of…. But I wanted to say…’
The best way to do this (and there are lots of ways I can teach you to improve your conversations that I’ll talk to you about in later articles) is to share information about yourself rather than asking her questions. I know this seems counter-intuitive but when it comes to meeting women in real life instead of putting her on the spot with a question it will create more trust with her if you can tell her a few things about yourself whilst inviting her to speak.
See spot run - toward the woman of your dreams. Meeting a potential mate at a dog park is promising for a few reasons. First, you’re both dog owners, so there’s a mutual interest right off the bat. Second, you’ve got an obvious icebreaker: your pup! Whether you choose to start the conversation by complimenting her dog or “accidentally” tossing a tennis ball nearby and offering a charming apology, the conversation will seem a lot more natural than if you were to offer a Googled pickup line in a bar. If things go well, you can then take things to a nearby coffee shop and continue getting to know each other. Just don’t forget to grab some water and keep your pooch hydrated!
What Real Men Say: "I played on a Zog soccer team for three years," says Andrew, 32. "I left the team as did another player to take a season off (which subsequently left two spots open). Kelly (my current girlfriend) and her roommate had just moved to Hoboken and joined Zog soccer as free agents and got put onto the team in my place. My friends on the team called me one day because they were short a player and asked if I could play that day to fill in. They introduced me Kelly, whom I immediately started crushing on. I told them to let me know if they ever needed a player again -- and then I started going back anytime they needed someone so I could see her. The season ended, so I decided to play the next season with them and developed some chemistry with her. We got together, and the rest is history."
So why does the alcohol-soaked pick-up scene still exist? Aside from the obvious reasons (tequila, vodka, rum), there's a surprising one as well: inexperience. Men are new to this 21st-century version of the boy-meets-girl game. In 1970, the median age for marriage was 23 for men and 21 for women. Today it's 28 and 26. "It used to be that people felt they'd somehow missed out if they didn't have a spouse by the time they graduated college," says David Popenoe, Ph.D., founder and codirector of the National Marriage Project and a professor emeritus of sociology at Rutgers University. "Today, people feel they need to establish themselves economically first." The postponement of "I do" means most men will be single in their 20s, a trend that populates the bar scene and empties the church aisles.
If you’re not sure where to start or what specific dance style you want to learn I recommend dipping your toes and trying as many styles as possible until you find a good fit or just focus on partner dancing styles such as salsa, bachata, ballroom, foxtrot, tango, & etc. If you live in the New York area you can take a look at this list below to get some ideas: