Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use. View all posts by Brian M →
Team play encourages what sociologists call "situational generalization"—in other words, positive circumstances help people click. "When people are working toward a shared outcome, they're more likely to grow closer together," says Parks. Recreational outfits make it easy to form new connections because individuals can sign up and be assigned to a team without needing to know anyone.
Parks, a University of Washington communication researcher and author of Personal Relationships & Personal Networks, has determined that 75 percent of the people who dated extensively the year before said they had help from a friend. In their corner is what Parks calls "the social proximity effect," which holds that the probability of two people meeting is directly proportional to the number of contacts they share. In other words, more friends means more female referrals. "Our research has shown that two-thirds of people who initiate a romantic relationship had met at least one of the dozen or so members of their partner's closest social network prior to meeting their part ner for the first time," says Parks, "and nearly half had met two or three." If you know Tom, and Tom knows Betty, then there's a greater chance you'll meet Betty. And if Tom also knows Susan, Heather, and Kimberly . . . well, then you owe Tom a fruit basket.
Do you have a dog? If not, get one, or borrow one from a friend. Offer to take the critter for a walk around town or in the park! Mature women love to see a young guy walking his pet and she might strike up a conversation with you-especially if she has a dog of her own. If it happens to be a younger woman who tries to come on to you, be polite but move on.
We're willing to bet your kitchen skills are lacking, or at the very least could benefit from some professional advice. Why not take a cooking class? Not only will you upgrade your culinary skills and maybe add a few new dishes to your repertoire, but you're likely to find yourself one of the few men in attendance. Even better, for those shy about approaching women: you'll often be asked to pair up to complete a dish, giving you an easy way to start up a conversation over an omelet flambé.
When you approach in a confident, easy-going way, most women drop their guard and open up to the conversation. However, if you approach in a nervous or appear intimidated by the women, they will automatically close off to you and the conversation. Why? Women are attracted to the strength in men and turned off by the weakness. This is why confidence is the #1 thing you need to have before you begin trying to meet new women.