"Men are possessed by the myth of the pickup," says David Grazian, Ph.D., an associate professor of sociology at the University of Pennsylvania and the author of On the Make: The Hustle of Urban Nightlife. It's in their heads that these bars and clubs are "teeming with anonymous females who are dying to have sex with any guy who is confident enough to talk to them." The reality is that less than 6 percent of women report having had sex with their partners within 2 days or less of meeting them, and less than 20 percent of adults say they first met their most recent sexual partner in a bar. Perhaps it's the nasty stigma of nightlife: A survey of 1,034 women by StrategyOne, a market research agency, reveals that nearly one in four women would be embarrassed to admit that she met a mate in a bar. (But just incase you do take home the girl of your dreams this weekend, make sure you know how to blow her mind in bed.)
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If you want to talk to a woman but she’s in the middle of hanging out with a girlfriend/reading a book/working on her laptop, instead of not saying hello at all I want you to let her know that you realize she’s busy. It’s better to show her that you’re considerate of what else is going on for her rather than waiting for a perfect moment (that never comes) to say hi to her. You don’t need to be overly apologetic you can simply say, ‘Hey (pause) I know you’re in the middle of…. But I wanted to say…’

Some ways of meeting may be better for long-term relationships than others. Particularly, couples who meet in their daily lives, especially through church and school, are more satisfied with their relationships and less likely to break up than couples meeting other ways. This was supported by earlier surveys, which also found short-term and sexual relationships more likely to be started under the opposite meeting conditions—usually bars and restaurants (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, & Michaels, 1994).


When I worked downtown, I made it a habit to eat at all the local hipster places for lunch. Sure, it wasn’t always cheap however, I noticed an upside to it (aside from the often great food). A lot of women were doing the exact same thing as I was. They’d sit down next to me and we’d strike up a conversation. Yes, women eat alone too! Although, these weren’t always just women that worked nearby. The truth is, a fair number were from out of town, and quite lonely while looking for companionship in the city.
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You need to be careful here because there can be many instances where it’s rude to approach a woman in such a public space. Many frequent coffee shops to get work done, so if she’s feverishly typing away on her laptop, you should definitely let her do her thing. But if you lock eyes with a female patron and get the sense that she’s into you, say something. Coffee shops are often frequented by intelligent and bookish individuals, so if that’s your type, order yourself a cappuccino and casually survey the atmosphere. It’s like Tinder, but in real life - what a concept! Since many who frequent coffee shops tend to be regulars, a slow game is an option. After enough time has passed, you can make a comment along the lines of “fancy seeing you here,” and - boom! Ice broken.
"I work at a design firm on a small team of four," he says. "So when one of my coworkers bought a condo we were all invited over to celebrate. I was the only one on the team without a solid excuse for not showing up and plus, my coworker lives in the same neighborhood as I do so I figured I'd swing by. I ended up having a great time chatting with my coworker's sister and her husband -- to the point that her sister insisted that she let me set her up with her college friend who was moving here and didn't know anyone. I'm usually skeptical about people setting me up -- but she showed me a picture of her and I thought she was super pretty, so I agreed. I got her phone number then took her out a week or two after she moved to New York and we hit it off. She and I both always say how lucky we are that I went to that party."
Take for instance my trip to London, I met a woman from my hometown on my first flight out while waiting in the lounge. On the connecting flight I met two British girls who sat across from my aisle; both lived in London near my hotel. On my last flight back home, I met another woman from my hometown who was returning from a vacation in another state.
Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use. View all posts by Brian M →
Take for instance my trip to London, I met a woman from my hometown on my first flight out while waiting in the lounge. On the connecting flight I met two British girls who sat across from my aisle; both lived in London near my hotel. On my last flight back home, I met another woman from my hometown who was returning from a vacation in another state.
To get the most out of these nights out be sure to show up early to whatever venue you’re going to.  This gives you a chance to get acclimated and comfortable in the environment.  While you’re there, warm up your social muscles by chatting with the staff and anyone else who’s around.  As the venue fills up look for a “high-traffic” area – someplace people walk past frequently – and post up there with your friends.  That way instead of running around looking for girls to talk to, the girls will wind up walking right by you.
Join meetup groups or organizations that you enjoy such as hiking or wine meetup groups. You’ll find other women with the same hobbies so you’ll immediately have a connection and something to talk about. You can also take seminars or classes that interest you. I’ve found that a lot of women love to attend personal development workshops like PSI or Millionaire Mind Intensive and the women usually outnumber the men.
See spot run - toward the woman of your dreams. Meeting a potential mate at a dog park is promising for a few reasons. First, you’re both dog owners, so there’s a mutual interest right off the bat. Second, you’ve got an obvious icebreaker: your pup! Whether you choose to start the conversation by complimenting her dog or “accidentally” tossing a tennis ball nearby and offering a charming apology, the conversation will seem a lot more natural than if you were to offer a Googled pickup line in a bar. If things go well, you can then take things to a nearby coffee shop and continue getting to know each other. Just don’t forget to grab some water and keep your pooch hydrated!
Between the heartwarming speeches, the dancing and the alcohol, love is everywhere you look at a wedding. Whether marriage is your cup of tea or not, weddings facilitate love and, when paired with the alcohol, naturally influence romantic feelings. If it’s a friend’s wedding, there should be plenty of similar-aged women who will have a date with them or not. If not, they are probably single. There is also a good probability that you and a potential love interest will have a friend or two in common, which gives you an introduction and something to talk about. Considering most of the older guests leave before the midnight buffet, a wedding essentially becomes a night club after 11PM, except better because the booze  is (usually) free and everyone is dressed to the nines. 

OK, hitting on women at the gym can be a major no-no, but it can work out sometimes if you read the signals and make your move in a friendly, non-creepy way. For example, when she’s in the middle of a 30-minute run on the treadmill and sweating profusely, don’t approach her. If she’s got her headphones in, don’t approach her. If she’s deadlifting, obviously, don’t approach her.


Listen to your gut instinct. A single rejection doesn't mean there is something wrong with you as a person (she may like you but not know how to express it!). However, if you experience repeated rejections, you may want to address your grooming, your mannerisms with women, or even your whole approach. It could be that you're doing something wrong and that's always easy to fix.
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