The majority of Indian marriages are arranged by parents and relatives, and one estimate is that 7 of every 10 marriages are arranged.[96] Sometimes the bride and groom don't meet until the wedding, and there is no courtship or wooing before the joining.[73] In the past, it meant that couples were chosen from the same caste and religion and economic status.[97] There is widespread support for arranged marriages generally. Writer Lavina Melwani described a happy marriage which had been arranged by the bride's father, and noted that during the engagement, the woman was allowed to go out with him before they were married on only one occasion; the couple married and found happiness.[98] Supporters of arranged marriage suggest that there is a risk of having the marriage fall apart whether it was arranged by relatives or by the couple themselves, and that what's important is not how the marriage came to be but what the couple does after being married.[98] Parents and relatives exert considerable influence, sometimes posting matrimonial ads in newspapers and online.[97] Customs encourage families to put people together, and discourage sexual experimentation as well as so-called serial courtship in which a prospective bride or groom dates but continually rejects possible partners, since the interests of the family are seen as more important than the romantic needs of the people marrying.[2] Indian writers, such as Mistry in his book Family Matters, sometimes depict arranged marriages as unhappy.[99] Writer Sarita Sarvate of India Currents thinks people calculate their "value" on the "Indian marriage market" according to measures such as family status, and that arranged marriages typically united spouses who often didn't love each other.[100] She suggested love was out of place in this world because it risked passion and "sordid" sexual liaisons.[100] Love, as she sees it, is "Waking up in the morning and thinking about someone."[100] Writer Jennifer Marshall described the wife in an arranged marriage as living in a world of solitude without much happiness, and feeling pressured by relatives to conceive a son so she wouldn't be considered as "barren" by her husband's family; in this sense, the arranged marriage didn't bring "love, happiness, and companionship."[101] Writer Vijaysree Venkatraman believes arranged marriages are unlikely to disappear soon, commenting in his book review of Shoba Narayan's Monsoon Diary, which has a detailed description of the steps involved in a present-day arranged marriage.[102] There are indications that even the institution of arranged marriages is changing, with marriages increasingly being arranged by "unknown, unfamiliar sources" and less based on local families who know each other.[96] Writer Lavina Melwani in Little India compared Indian marriages to business deals:
If you learn about the six basic types of dating, you will better to understand your options and take the first steps to meeting a new partner or making new friends. Over 40 percent of the single people in the United States are actively looking for a relationship. The places they look typically include clubs and bars; shopping malls; the Internet; the work place, sporting events and the church of their choice.
We are number 22, there are no doubts about that. Cindy, she is my sweetheart. I have known her for ten years now and she is the only one I think of. I don’t know if you’ll understand me, she is my Juliet, my only true love. I would do anything for her. But I feel that she is pulling away from me. I don’t know why, as I haven’t done anything wrong. Oh what should I do, guys? Should I tell her my fears or just pretend I don’t notice her distant behaviour? Help!
The old-fashioned name of this type of dating is called “courtship.” During courtship, a couple gets to know each other for the purpose of deciding whether they should get married or not. It might be informal and private, or it might be a public affair involving family or community approval. In most cases, it involves a commitment to an exclusive relationship with the other person to make this decision.
A liar enjoys being with a hypocrite, but does not trust him. A whoremonger is attracted to a slut but does not want to marry one. A person of integrity will be attracted to a person of truthfulness; a moral person will be attracted to a faithful person. Everyone wants to marry a decent and trustworthy person, but most people do not want to make the effort to be one!
What happens in the dating world can reflect larger currents within popular culture. For example, when the 1995 book The Rules appeared, it touched off media controversy about how men and women should relate to each other, with different positions taken by columnist Maureen Dowd of The New York Times[57] and British writer Kira Cochrane of The Guardian.[58] and others.[59][60] It has even caused anthropologists such as Helen Fisher to suggest that dating is a game designed to "impress and capture" which is not about "honesty" but "novelty", "excitement" and even "danger", which can boost dopamine levels in the brain.[61] The subject of dating has spun off popular culture terms such as the friend zone which refers to a situation in which a dating relation evolves into a platonic non-sexual union.[62][63][64][65]
Generally, during much of recorded history of humans in civilization, and into the Middle Ages in Europe, weddings were seen as business arrangements between families, while romance was something that happened outside of marriage discreetly, such as covert meetings.[7] The 12th-century book The Art of Courtly Love advised that "True love can have no place between husband and wife."[7] According to one view, clandestine meetings between men and women, generally outside of marriage or before marriage, were the precursors to today's dating.[7]
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