A girl doesn’t know what she wants because she is scared. She is comfortable being closed off because she isn’t mature enough to fight her fears in order to find herself. She uses others to her convenience because she is afraid to risk. Closing herself prevents her from experiencing real feelings therefore she remains false, bound, selfish and dependent and she looks for independence everywhere but within.
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Dating people with differing personalities gives you criteria for making wise judgments. One who has limited dating experience may after marriage be plagued by the thoughts, "What would someone else be like?" "Would I have had a better marriage with another type of mate?" Those questions may come to many couples, especially when there is trouble in the marriage. But, the individual who looks back on a well-rounded social life before marriage is better equipped to answer the question. What could be more difficult than finding someone with whom we can live with in harmony and fulfillment for the next fifty years?
First, I had to come up with a way to describe what I do for a living. In North America, I say I'm a dating columnist. It's easy, pretty much every knows what that means, and if for some reason they're confused, I say, "You know Carrie in Sex in the City? I'm like her, but she wrote for the Post and I wrote for the Times." People nod, and then ask me whatever pressing dating questions they have.
One report suggested the United States as well as other western-oriented countries were different from the rest of the world because "love is the reason for mating," as opposed to marriages being arranged to cement economic and class ties between families and promote political stability. Dating, by mutual consent of two single people, is the norm. British writer Kira Cochrane, after moving to the U.S., found herself grappling with the American approach to dating. She wondered why it was acceptable to juggle "10 potential partners" while weighing different attributes; she found American-style dating to be "exhausting and strange." She found dating in America to be "organized in a fairly formal fashion" with men approaching women and asking point blank for a date; she found this to be "awkward." She described the "third date rule" which was that women weren't supposed to have sex until the third date even if they desired it, although men were supposed to try for sex. She wrote: "Dating rules almost always cast the man as aggressor, and the woman as prey, which frankly makes me feel nauseous." Canadian writer Danielle Crittenden, however, chronicling female angst, criticized a tendency not to take dating seriously and suggested that postponing marriage into one's thirties was problematic:
Humans have been compared to other species in terms of sexual behavior. Neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky constructed a reproductive spectrum with opposite poles being tournament species, in which males compete fiercely for reproductive privileges with females, and pair bond arrangements, in which a male and female will bond for life. According to Sapolsky, humans are somewhat in the middle of this spectrum, in the sense that humans form pair bonds, but there is the possibility of cheating or changing partners. These species-particular behavior patterns provide a context for aspects of human reproduction, including dating. However, one particularity of the human species is that pair bonds are often formed without necessarily having the intention of reproduction. In modern times, emphasis on the institution of marriage, generally described as a male-female bond, has obscured pair bonds formed by same-sex and transgender couples, and that many heterosexual couples also bond for life without offspring, or that often pairs that do have offspring separate. Thus, the concept of marriage is changing widely in many countries.