Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use. View all posts by Brian M →
"I had two shift partners, one of whom ended up being my future wife. At the time, she had a boyfriend and I had a girlfriend, so while I thought she was cute, there was never any weird flirty tension. We shared one four-hour shift a week for about two years. Without really intending to, we became good friends because of the experiences we shared assisting clients and talking about our lives outside the hotline in between calls. Around the time she left the hotline, we both coincidentally went through breakups. We went from commiserating about our hotline work to commiserating about being single. Then one night she came over, we hooked up, and about a year and a half later we were married. I think what worked about meeting that way was that things developed really organically, because neither of us were there to meet people. We bonded over the work we were doing and the stuff we discovered we had in common over the years."
Our first tip is pretty obvious — you need to get online if you want to change your dating situation. Dating sites and apps have become the top way to meet people for many reasons. Not only can you quickly and easily find local single women, but you can also narrow down other preferences like age, appearance, education, religion, ethnicity, and interests.
What Real Men Say: "Salsa dancing is part of my culture," says Javier, 26. "So when my sister's friend opened a dance studio in our neighborhood I came for the grand opening and complimentary salsa class -- and had so much fun that I ended up buying a class package. As one of the only men in the class, I had my pick of partners which was nice, and made a lot of friends during my time there. Around my fifth or sixth class we all planned on meeting up at a salsa club after class to try out what we had learned, and I saw my current girlfriend Ramona there with her group of friends -- one of which knew one of the class members I was out with. She introduced us, and we danced together until 2 a.m. when the club closed down. We've been together ever since."
Nobody will vouch for you more than a friend. And if that friend happens to be female, her word will carry more value. Why? Because women trust other women more than a man whose mission is likely transparent. Apart from meeting online, research has shown meeting through friends is the most popular method of connecting with a potential partner. Being “set up” should occur in naturally social environments, like a barbecue or dinner party. Or perhaps you settle on a double date, where you can sit back and play coy while your friend sings your praises. In these instances the matchmaker will probably facilitate conversation throughout, expressing mutual interests and similar sentiments to assist you two in hitting it off. Remember: she’s your biggest cheerleader!
All that being said, if you're a busy guy, you should know that the fastest and simplest way to meet women these days is going online. Regardless of how old you are or what kind of women you're into, online dating sites are typically a surefire, smarter way of approaching women versus randomly saying hello to strangers in public, which is more likely to get you labeled a creep by women who are not looking to be hit on. With that in mind, here are the top online dating sites AskMen recommends:
Admit it: You’ve all come across at least ONE cute girl on the subway or at the bus stand, but you never had the courage or time to approach her. But notice – don’t be too eager to approach a woman; you will be viewed as nothing more than a creep. Look at the signs. Is she too engrossed reading a book, playing Candy Crush on her phone or has her eyes closed with her earphones in place? Then take a hint: she doesn’t want anybody to disturb her. On the other hand, if she’s looking here and there or has a bored expression on her face, your chances of making eye contact with her increase. Just be smart enough to take her number before she gets off at her stop, will you?
Between the heartwarming speeches, the dancing and the alcohol, love is everywhere you look at a wedding. Whether marriage is your cup of tea or not, weddings facilitate love and, when paired with the alcohol, naturally influence romantic feelings. If it’s a friend’s wedding, there should be plenty of similar-aged women who will have a date with them or not. If not, they are probably single. There is also a good probability that you and a potential love interest will have a friend or two in common, which gives you an introduction and something to talk about. Considering most of the older guests leave before the midnight buffet, a wedding essentially becomes a night club after 11PM, except better because the booze is (usually) free and everyone is dressed to the nines.
If you’re not sure where to start, we recommend sites like VolunteerMatch.org and GreatNonprofits.org. They’re kind of like dating sites — you put in your location and interests, among other identifiers, and the site will find the right organization for your needs. You can also read reviews from your peers to get an idea of the kind of work you’ll be doing and the people you’ll be interacting with.